


Sense for the Senseless

by emynn (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-23
Updated: 2012-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-14 20:52:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/emynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry had his life all figured out — he’d marry Ginny, have a couple of kids, and live happily ever after. But when Ginny announces she’s gay, Harry’s entire world turns upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sense for the Senseless

**Title:** Sense for the Senseless  
 **Author:** [](http://emynn.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**emynn**](http://emynn.dreamwidth.org/)  
 **Gift Recipient:** [](http://suitesamba.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**suitesamba**](http://suitesamba.dreamwidth.org/)  
 **Other pairings/threesome:** Past HP/GW  
 **Rating:** NC-17  
 **Word count:** 17K  
 **Content/Warning(s):** (highlight for spoilers) * EWE, attempted use of date-rape drug, not by Severus or Harry*  
 **Summary/Prompt:** Harry had his life all figured out — he’d marry Ginny, have a couple of kids, and live happily ever after. But when Ginny announces she’s gay, Harry’s entire world turns upside down.  
 **A/N:** Thank you to K for being Super Beta and holding my hand through my wibbling. You are the best and I have no idea where I would be without you. Suitesamba, I hope you enjoy it!

  
** Sense for the Senseless **  


When he turned 25, Harry Potter decided it was high time he made a move in securing his happily ever after. Naturally, the first step in doing so had to take place inside a jewellery shop.

“What do you think of this one?” Harry asked, holding up a platinum band adorned with an emerald-cut diamond that was roughly the size of his thumbnail. “The jeweller said he could add some smaller stones on either side if I wanted to get her birthstone as well. Do you know what the stone for August is?”

Hermione wrinkled her nose. “Peridot, but that’s irrelevant. Do you honestly think Ginny would wear such a thing? It’s a little gaudy.”

Harry frowned and felt the ring in his hand. It _was_ rather heavy. “I guess not. But it just looked like the most expensive, so I figured I should at least consider it.”

“No amount of money can buy good taste,” Hermione said primly.

“I guess not. Excuse me, sir?” he asked, gesturing towards the salesman. They had come to a Muggle store so Harry could shop anonymously. The salesman had not been quite as attentive as Harry would have received in a shop in Diagon Alley, but he seemed to know what he was talking about and he gave Hermione and him privacy to discuss the rings. “Could I see something simpler? And maybe a little … different?”

“Of course,” the gentleman said, and carefully took back the ring in Harry’s hand. “I have a very unusual piece you may like to look at.” He pulled out a ring from the case and held it out in front of him. “It’s a rose gold eternity band, so something for the slightly less traditional bride. One carat oval diamond surrounded by a halo of hand pave set diamonds, and then another side halo of diamonds. Simply stunning.”

Harry carefully took it from the jeweller and held it with his thumbs and forefingers. “What do you think, Hermione?” he asked. The salesman discreetly walked away to assist another customer.

“I think you’re rushing into this a bit fast,” Hermione said.

“I was actually asking about the ring, but thank you for that.”

“Oh, Harry, I’m sorry, you know I just want you to be happy!” she said earnestly. “But, no offense, I just think you’re making a huge mistake.”

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyed. He knew Hermione was only trying to help, but her timing couldn’t be more awful. He already felt vaguely nauseous just stepping into the store; the last thing he needed was her telling him what a big mistake he was making. Besides, what gave her the right to say he was even _making_ a mistake? He and Ginny loved each other. It was a natural next step. How else were they supposed to start a family? This just made sense.

“Hermione, it’s really none of your business,” he said slowly.

“I know. But Harry, do you really _want_ to marry Ginny? Why not wait another year? Have the two of you even discussed the idea of marriage?”

Harry frowned at the ring in his hands. They hadn’t, actually, but he wasn’t going to let Hermione know that. “Ginny and I have been together for just about as long as you and Ron, and you two are already married with a baby on the way. What makes us any different?”

Hermione shrugged, looking frustrated. “I know … it just feels different somehow. Ron and I …”

“It really is no different, Hermione. Ginny and I have been dating for years, and marriage is the next step. I don’t know why you seem to find this so outrageous.”

“But do you actually want to marry _Ginny_ , Harry?” Hermione asked again. “Are you so in love with her that you can’t imagine another day without her, or do you want to marry her just because it seems like you’re supposed to? Do you ever feel _passion_ when you’re with her? Because honestly, Harry, I sense more passion in you when you talk about _Snape_ than when you talk about your girlfriend.”

“Of course I love Ginny!” Harry said indignantly. He ignored the bit about Snape. That was neither here nor there. He couldn’t help if he found it tragically unfair that Snape had died before having his name cleared, and, perhaps more importantly, before Harry had a chance to make things right between them. It was only because he was a sentimental Gryffindor with a fetish for justice. “Do you think I’d be with somebody for this long if I wasn’t in love with her?”

Hermione shook her head. “I guess not … I just can’t help but feel … well, it’s your relationship, I suppose.”

“Good of you to remember that,” Harry said. He held up the ring to Hermione. “I think I like this one. What do you think?”

Hermione sighed. “It’s lovely.”

Harry placed his hand over Hermione’s. “I know you’re only looking out for me, Hermione,” he said gently. “But this is my decision. And Ginny and I … we work well together.”

Hermione squeezed his hand. “I know. I guess I’m just a worrier.”

Harry kissed her cheek. “I’m lucky to have you around. You keep me on my toes.”

“Somebody has to.” She glanced down at the ring. “It really is beautiful. When are you proposing?”

“Her birthday,” Harry said, gesturing for the jeweller to come over. “Gives me almost two weeks to plan everything and talk to her parents.”

“Smart,” Hermione said. “Well, I’m sure it will go wonderfully.”

It actually took no time at all to purchase the ring. Twenty minutes in the store, five minutes to ensure the ring was available in Ginny’s size and met Harry’s expectations, five minutes to swipe his credit card and sign the receipt … eight years of a courtship, and in thirty minutes he had taken the next step towards their future.

Harry assured himself the fluttering in his stomach was only out of excitement.

* * * * *

  
Harry dragged a piece of French toast through the admittedly excessive amount of syrup on his plate. He had planned a nice, romantic brunch with Ginny, painstakingly creating her favourite breakfast confections. He’d even squeezed the oranges for the juice himself.

He thought they’d enjoy a hearty meal, then go for a walk in the park near his house where he would get down on one knee and pop the question.

Instead, he and Ginny had sat in near silence for---he discreetly checked his watch---nearly forty minutes.

Harry sighed. “Ginny, are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, smiling wanly.

“Ginny, come on,” Harry said. “This isn’t like you. I know I’m not the greatest cook in the world, but you haven’t even touched the strawberries. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Ginny set down her fork with a gentle _clink_. “Nothing’s wrong, exactly. Except …”

Harry frowned at the way Ginny’s voice cracked on the last word. “Except what, Ginny?”

“Except … everything!” Ginny said, and burst into tears.

 _Oh, shite._ Tears were one thing Harry had never learned to handle. He’d considered himself fortunate that Ginny very rarely cried, and when she did, she usually just went away with Hermione for the day and sorted it all out. He knelt by Ginny’s chair and awkwardly patted her back. “It’s okay, Ginny,” he said hesitantly. “You can tell me.”

“Oh, Harry!” Ginny sobbed. “It’s just … I’m … I’m gay, Harry!”

Harry’s hand froze. “You’re what?”

Ginny turned in her chair and squeezed Harry’s hands. “I’m so sorry, Harry. You’re so wonderful, and I just kept thinking it could work out, and I really wanted it to. And I tried so hard, but I just can’t do it anymore, Harry. Do you understand?”

No, Harry didn’t understand. In fact, at that very moment, if somebody came in and asked him his name, he likely wouldn’t be able to answer. The blood was pounding so loudly in his ears he could barely hear his own thoughts.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, and hurried away to his bedroom.

Ginny was a lesbian? Harry lowered himself to his bed and held his head in his hands. He supposed it explained a lot of things. He and Ginny spent a great deal of time together, but he always felt there was some invisible wall between them. He had hoped that proposing would dissolve that barrier, but clearly it was bigger than that.

God, Hermione had been right, he realized with a shake of his head. He had been charging full-steam ahead with his plans for The Life that he hadn’t even stopped to look at why he wanted to get married, or why after eight years together he and Ginny had never even brought up the possibility of marriage. That really should have been saying something.

Harry lifted his head from his hands and sighed. A feeling of utter calmness and resignation swept over him.

 _Huh. This is unexpected._

Once he removed the shock from the equation (and the fact that he had just spent several months of pay on a ring that wasn’t going to be used), he wasn’t all that upset. Disappointed, perhaps, and a bit sad. But there was no devastating grief that the great romance of his life had come to a crashing end.

 _Because it wasn’t the great romance of his life._

The realization–and how quickly he realized it was true–startled Harry. He and Ginny had a wonderful friendship. They played Quidditch together, ate out together, and enjoyed each other’s company. But save for some dinners specifically designated to celebrate their anniversary, they did very little that was actually romantic.

Harry shook his head with a short laugh. Really. He should have seen this coming. Aside from the fact they snogged fairly regularly, he and Ginny more or less had the same relationship he had with Ron or Hermione.

Which was probably why he wasn’t feeling quite so traumatized at the moment. This may have thrown a wrench in his plans, but relationships-wise, he wasn’t really losing anything. After all, it’s impossible to lose something you never had, and Ginny, while perhaps his girlfriend, had never been his lover. Not in the literal sense, and not in the emotional sense either. And besides, he and Ginny would always be friends. He knew that.

Ginny was staring out the kitchen window when Harry returned. He coughed softly, but she still jumped.

“Harry! I’m so sor–”

Harry didn’t let her finish the word before he wrapped her in his arms and held her in a fierce hug. “Hush,” he said. “Don’t you dare apologize. Everything is just fine.”

They stood together like that for what felt like ages, Ginny clinging tightly to Harry’s shirt and occasionally letting out a wet sniff. It was only when Harry couldn’t help but sneeze that she pulled away.

“Thank you, Harry,” she whispered. “I’m just so relieved you don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Gin,” Harry replied. He began to clear away the table. “We can talk about it more later, if you like. But it’s your birthday, so why don’t we do something fun?”

Ginny nodded. “I told Mum we’d be over around three. We still have a few – Harry, why are you looking like that?”

Wordlessly, Harry dug into his pocket and pulled out the small box that held what was supposed to be Ginny’s engagement ring and placed it in her hand.

“Oh, Harry,” Ginny breathed. “Truly?”

Harry nodded. “And I asked your mum and dad first. They’re expecting us to come to the Burrow engaged.”

Ginny sighed. “Well, I’ve already come out to you. Mum and Dad can’t be much worse, can they?”

“Do you have to tell them today? Why put yourself through that again on your birthday? I can tell them I got cold feet.”

Ginny shook her head. “Like they’d believe that, Mister Supreme Gryffindor of the World. No, it’s best just to tell them now.” She paused. “Would you mind terribly if I looked at the ring?”

Harry shrugged. “No difference to me. Might be nice to see if I chose right.”

Ginny nodded and carefully opened the box. Her eyes welled up with tears.

“You chose right, Harry,” she finally said.

“Yeah, well … “ Harry said, feeling rather awkward all of a sudden. How do you even respond to your ex-girlfriend who is now a lesbian that she liked the ring you had picked out for her assuming she’d be your wife?

Ginny closed the box and held it out to Harry. “We’ll make this work.”

Harry stowed the box away, back in his pocket, and kissed her cheek, feeling reassured. “Yeah. We will.”

* * * * *

  
Just as Harry expected, Molly’s eyes immediately flew to Ginny’s left hand when they arrived at the Burrow. Upon seeing no flashes of diamonds, she frowned, but still took them both in her arms and gushed about how wonderful it was to see them and assured them the cake was almost ready.

Really, it was just shy of being uncomfortable. Ginny was very carefully hiding her hands, Molly was very carefully giving Harry and Ginny plenty of opportunities to be alone, and Harry was very carefully avoiding eye contact with Molly. All the while, they were still chatting as if this were a regular birthday celebration. Harry was beginning to wonder whether this had been a good idea after all. At the moment, he really only wanted to go home and pour himself a nice, stiff drink.

And he didn’t even like nice, stiff drinks.

“Molly, can I help you with anything?” he finally asked, anxious to have a task that would give him an excuse not to get down on one knee.

“No, no, not at all!” Molly exclaimed. “Why don’t you two go enjoy the beautiful day? The rest of the family will be here any minute.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to miss them,” Harry said quickly. “Really.”

A knowing look came over Molly’s face. “Ah, well it _is_ nice to have family around for these sorts of things, isn’t it?”

Harry groaned inwardly. Wonderful, now she was expecting a proposal in front of the entire Weasley clan. When the hell was Ginny planning on telling them?

“It is,” he said tightly. Fortunately, he was saved when Charlie and George entered the kitchen and sufficiently distracted Molly to allow Harry to drag Ginny into the next room.

“It’s a little awkward, don’t you think?” Harry whispered.

“Well, it’s not my fault you decided to tell them you were going to propose today,” Ginny snapped.

“And it’s not my fault you chose today to come out, but I’m dealing with it,” Harry shot back.

Ginny recoiled as if she’d been slapped. “I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

Harry sighed. “I know,” he said, and put his arm around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder. It was a familiar position for them. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to there being this much tension here. I feel like I’m letting them down.”

“Oh, it’s not going to be you who’s letting them down,” Ginny said wryly. “Do you know how long Mum has been going on about what it’s going to be like when I have children? And it only got worse when we started dating. She’s going to be crushed she won’t have little red-headed Potters to spoil.”

Harry pulled her closer to him. “You know, you don’t have to tell them today. But maybe we should at least hint that we’re breaking up. Fancy faking a fight?”

“No,” Ginny replied. “I’m not going to lie to them any more. I’m 23 years old. It’s high time I acted like it. It’s just hard finding the right time, you know?”

“Supper’s ready!” Molly called.

Harry kissed the top of Ginny’s head. “I know. But I’ll be right there next to you whenever you decide.”

Ginny smiled. “I know. That’s what makes it so easy to love you.”

* * * * *

  
It wasn’t so bad when the entire Weasley clan was gathered about, Harry decided. Even though the dinner was in honour of Ginny’s birthday, it was at heart a family event. He was much more comfortable with some of the attention off of him.

Until it was time for cake.

“Now, Ginny, make sure you make a good wish,” Molly said after they finished singing. “I’ve always said that birthday magic is the best kind.”

Ginny laughed and pulled her hair back behind her head. “C’mon, Mum. I’m a little old to believe in these wishes coming true.”

“I don’t know, dear,” Molly said, casting a pointed glance at Harry. He looked down at his plate. “There may be somebody just waiting to make your wish come true.”

“Not in this room, anyway,” Ginny said. She took a deep breath. “I’m gay.” Then she blew out the candles.

Harry clapped, but he was the only one who did. The rest of the room sat in stunned silence. Slowly, he lowered his hands to the table.

“Ginevra,” Molly said, her voice low. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

“I’m a lesbian, Mum,” Ginny said. Harry thought he detected a slight tremor in her voice, but her stance was strong. “I like women.”

“But Harry …”

“Harry is a little surprised, but just fine,” Harry interjected. “Truth is, there was always something missing in our relationship. I’ve just never been the most observant.”

Molly’s face was turning red. “I can’t believe this. You’ve always been so happy. Why, you were practically already married!”

“Molly, calm down,” Arthur said, placing a hand on her arm. “This doesn’t change anything.”

“How can you say it doesn’t change anything?” Molly said, her voice nearing a screech. “This is our baby girl, Arthur!”

“And she’s still our baby girl, regardless of whether or not she marries Harry.”

“You know, Ginny, the centre of attention was already on you,” George said thoughtfully, “with it being your birthday and all. I would have saved this announcement for another day. Like Percy’s birthday.”

Harry squeezed Ginny’s hand. “Holding on there?” he whispered.

Ginny squeezed back. “Thank you.”

It was certainly a different birthday dinner than Harry had been anticipating. But one thing remained firm in his mind: he’d stand by Ginny’s side no matter what.

* * * * *

  
“Well, that went well,” Harry said. He picked up a cookbook that had been thrown during Ginny’s coming out and placed it back on the shelf.

Ginny sighed. “I suppose. At least Mum’s sobbing now instead of shouting. That’s usually stage two of acceptance for her.”

Harry pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down. “I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised she took it like this. You said she didn’t even bat an eyelash when Charlie said he was gay.”

“But I’m the baby, and the only girl,” Ginny said, and sat down beside Harry, “If Charlie decides he doesn’t want to get married and have children, there are other sons to do it. I was her one chance to be a Weasley bride.”

“Well, that can still happen,” Harry replied. “The Wizarding world doesn’t have anything against gay marriage.”

“Hopefully by the time I get to that point she’ll come around,” Ginny said. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

“I’m sure she will,” Harry said automatically. And he was sure. Molly Weasley was one of the kindest people he knew. He was certain she was just surprised and taken aback. After all, he had been planning on marrying Ginny for just a few weeks and he had been shocked. He imagined it would be pretty jarring to picture your daughter marrying a man for more than twenty years and then realizing that wasn’t a possibility.

Ginny opened one eyelid to look at him. “You’re being very supportive through all this, Harry. You know, you’re allowed to say ‘fuck it, my girlfriend’s a lesbian, I need a drink.’”

Harry laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t say no. Up to the Three Broomsticks?”

Ginny shook her head. “I’d rather not see anybody I know. Maybe a Muggle place?”

A sudden thought occurred to Harry. “Hey, how about a gay pub? There has to be at least one around here. Nobody would expect us there.”

“Have you gone mad?” Ginny asked, her eyes wide. “It’s one thing for me, but you? You would be all over the papers tomorrow. You can’t step foot into a gay pub.”

Harry shrugged. “What difference would it make? There’s already one report a week that I’m gay. What’s one more?”

Ginny shook her head. “Mad, I’m telling you.”

“Fine, I’m mad. Where do you want to go?”

“There’s this place called Ariella’s that I’ve been dying to try,” Ginny said quickly. “It’s a Wizarding pub, but it’s rather laidback and is supposed to have fantastic live music.”

“Clearly you haven’t put any thought into this at all,” Harry said drily.

Ginny flushed. “I’ve just heard good things,” she said defensively.

“Well, as long as they serve scotch, I’m fine with wherever we go.”

Ginny’s brow furrowed. “You don’t drink scotch.”

“I do tonight,” Harry said. He stood and held out his hand. “Come now, Miss Weasley. Your jilted would-be fiancé wishes to wine and dine you before you go off and snog some strange woman at the bar.”

Ginny rolled her eyes but took his hand. “Please. I just hope you’re ready for all the wizards who are going to be making passes at you.”

Harry laughed. “For you, Ginny, I’ll endure.”

Ginny smiled. For the first time that day, it reached her eyes. “Harry, thank you. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it,” Harry said, and kissed her cheek. “Now go get beautiful.”

* * * * *

  
Harry took a sip of his scotch and winced. There was a reason he never drank the stuff. He felt like the liquid was scraping out his liver. Disgusting.

“It’s because you’re drinking the cheap shite, you realise,” came a voice from just behind Harry.

Harry turned. The man speaking looked vaguely familiar, but Harry was too distracted by _something_ to pay that much mind. He had long, dark hair that was pulled back and piercing black eyes. It was almost like …

“Sorry?” Harry asked. He couldn’t even remember what he had just been thinking, let alone what the man had said.

“Your drink. Abysmal.” The man raised his own glass to Harry. “Macallan.”

“Ah,” Harry said. “Yeah, I don’t drink anything other than butterbeer or wine, usually.”

The man nodded. “I see. Did some traumatic event force you to turn to stronger libations?”

“Oh, the usual,” Harry said. He took another sip and cringed again. “I was about to propose to my girlfriend and she chose that moment to tell me she was a lesbian. Now I’m being the supportive friend and helping her celebrate.” He nodded towards Ginny, who was sharing a laugh and a drink with an attractive brunette across the room. “She’s the redhead.”

“Hmm.” The man turned to the bartender. “The Macallan for my friend. I would say he’s earned it.”

Harry accepted the drink with a bashful grin. “Thanks.” He took a cautious sip. The stranger was right – this drink was far better than the swill he had been drinking. “I’m Harry, by the way.”

“Alexander,” the man said. “I admit, I’m curious. Most heterosexual young men would not be caught dead in an establishment such as this. Do you not find it awkward?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t really mind. A pub’s a pub to me. It’s not like I was going to be taking somebody home tonight, regardless.”

“I may not say that for your former paramour,” Alexander said.

Harry looked over at Ginny. She was leaning in to the brunette, a flush on her cheeks and a more seductive smile on her face than Harry had ever seen.

“Does it bother you?” Alexander asked.

Harry shook his head. “Not really. She can do what she wants.”

“You intrigue me, Harry,” Alexander said. “Most young men would be beside themselves that the love of their life was flirting with another woman so soon after rejecting a marriage proposal. You seem almost entirely indifferent.”

“I suppose the simple answer is that she wasn’t the love of my life,” Harry replied. “And I always knew it on some level, so it wasn’t that traumatizing.” He paused. “Or I’m just in shock and it hasn’t sunk in yet. That could be it as well.”

“I certainly hope it’s the former,” Alexander murmured, and took a long sip from his drink.

Harry could feel his face burn. Alexander certainly wasn’t hitting on him. That idea was just ludicrous. But there was something about being in a gay pub, scotch flowing through his veins, and speaking to an admittedly attractive man that just put him on edge. Perhaps his newly single status was going to his head.

“What brings you here, anyway?” Harry finally asked, once the thoughts in his head had abated slightly.

“I’m here most nights,” Alexander said. “That gentleman over there insists on bringing me.”

Harry followed Alexander’s gaze. The man in question was striking, to say the least. With his white-blond hair and fair features, he looked almost angelic. That is, until he looked Harry’s way with a burning gaze that caused Harry to blush.

That man was no angel.

“He’s certainly something,” Harry stuttered. It was odd, but Alexander’s companion also seemed vaguely familiar to Harry, but the more he thought about it, the more it became difficult to place him. Ultimately, he decided to give up. It wasn’t as if he was ever going to see either of them again.

Alexander snorted. “That’s one way to put it.”

“Have you been together long?”

Alexander shrugged. “We’ve lived together for about eight years now.”

“Ah.” Harry finished up his drink, trying to reconcile the odd sense of disappointment he felt. He wasn’t gay, and certainly wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with anybody at the moment, let alone some stranger he met at a gay pub. Aside from him introducing Harry to decent liquor, he had really done nothing to merit such a reaction.

“If you’re here tomorrow, there will be an above average singer performing. He’s quite popular.”

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “I don’t really see this being a regular thing.”

“Pity,” Alexander said. He finished his drink and stood up from his seat at the bar. “If you should change your mind, I look forward to seeing you.”

Harry watched as Alexander left and went to speak with the blond man. He bit back the sense of jealousy that was pervading his mind. If anything, he should have been jealous of that leggy brunette who was kissing Ginny’s cheek, not the strange man who bought him a drink. What the hell was his problem?

But he was here for Ginny, and Ginny deserved an enjoyable birthday … so he ordered himself another drink. Macallan, of course. Neat.

* * * * *

  
“I’m going back tonight, if you’re interested.”

Harry finished his spoonful of ice cream and eyed Ginny incredulously. “Listen, Ginny, I didn’t mind going with you last night, but don’t you think asking your ex to go with you to a gay pub every night is a little much?”

Ginny laughed. “Come on, Harry. You looked like you were enjoying yourself.”

Harry felt his eyebrows shoot up. “There’s enjoying yourself and then there’s _enjoying_ yourself.”

“I don’t know, Harry. You seemed to be _enjoying_ yourself just fine.”

“I wasn’t enjoying myself the way you were enjoying yourself!”

“Harry, this is getting ridiculous,” Ginny said, and took a spoonful of ice cream. “I saw the way you looked at that man. You never once looked at me like that.”

“You … what … Ginny!” Harry sputtered. “Just because you come out doesn’t mean everybody around you is gay.”

“I never said you were gay,” Ginny said smoothly. “But you can’t tell me you haven’t been at least curious.”

“I haven’t!” Harry protested.

Ginny had the gall to roll her eyes. “Three words, Harry. New. Year’s. Eve.”

Harry felt his face turn bright red. “Ginny, we’re in _public_!”

Ginny popped the cherry of her sundae into her mouth. “What? Nothing happened.”

That was exactly it. Nothing _had_ happened. After years together and never doing anything more stimulating than snogging, an obscenely drunk Harry and Ginny had decided to go All the Way.

That was the plan, anyway.

In actuality, Harry had managed to finger Ginny until she claimed she climaxed, but Harry was willing to bet she just got annoyed with him poking at her. Ginny had managed a few hesitant licks to his prick before saying she felt nauseous and needed some water. Harry had gone to the loo, where he quickly jerked himself off, thinking of anything but the beautiful young woman in his bed.

It was pretty much a disaster.

“Nobody’s first time is perfect,” Harry muttered. He stared down at his ice cream. It didn’t seem so delicious anymore.

“No,” Ginny agreed. “But Harry, you never even seemed interested. After New Year’s, you never even tried anything again. I don’t think most guys would be like that.”

Harry shrugged. “It’s not like we had a good time.”

Ginny rested a hand on Harry’s arm. “Like I said, Harry, I saw the way you were looking at that man. You looked like you were just aching for him to reach out and grab you. And I’d be willing to bet he recognized that look as well.”

Harry felt his face burn. It didn’t _mean_ anything. So Alexander was an interesting bloke to talk with, and he had great taste in scotch. And Harry didn’t need to be gay to appreciate that he was an attractive man. Well, perhaps not in a conventional sense, and come to think of it, Harry couldn’t quite remember what he actually looked like other than he had dark hair and eyes, but he could just _tell_.

“You’re too young not to go out and have fun,” Ginny said. “There’s no shame in being curious. You’ll regret it if you’re ninety and you let this pass you by.”

“Is that why you finally broke up with me?” Harry asked. “Because you were curious?”

“No,” she replied. “I got the curiosity stage over with in Hogwarts.” At Harry’s curious look, she added, “Lavender. She said if it was the closest she could get to Won-Won, she’d take it.”

“Ginny!”

“What? I was curious.” She paused. “I told myself back then it was just for fun, that if I just got it out of my system, then I could go on back to you once you had killed You Know Who. Not so much.”

They sat in silence for a while as they finished their ice cream. Harry resisted the urge to eat his quickly enough to give him brain freeze. He could barely handle his thoughts at the moment. He had never really given much thought to his sexuality. In his fourth year he had been told to find a girl to take to the Yule Ball, and so he had. And he’d enjoyed being with Ginny, and the Weasleys were all great, so that had worked out. But beyond that?

Well, nobody had really excited him all that much, male or female, until Alexander.

That realization made him set down his spoon. Could he really be …

It seemed ridiculous to make a basis of his entire sexuality on one encounter. Not even a proper encounter. Just a drink. Absurd.

“I’ll go,” Harry blurted out. “But it doesn’t mean anything. I just had a good time, that’s all.”

Ginny grinned. “Excellent.”

* * * * *

  
 _Well,_ Harry thought as he grinded against some bloke apparently named Rafael, _this is nice._

The nice thing about this music was that he didn’t actually have to know how to dance in order to enjoy it. He just needed to grab onto some willing fellow – and there were plenty of those – and sort of wiggle around. It was awkward at first, but then he had a drink or seven and it became _much_ easier.

“You’re so hot,” Rafael whispered into Harry’s ear. Well, it probably wasn’t really a whisper, given that Harry could hear him quite well even over the rather loud music, but it just felt like it should be a whisper. “I’d love to take you home with me.”

Harry cast an uneasy eye around. Ginny was chatting up a gorgeous woman with chestnut hair, but that wasn’t what he was concerned about. He was still waiting for Alexander to arrive. As much as he was enjoying dancing with Rafael and the couple of other men earlier, he couldn’t help but feel like he was doing something wrong.

“I don’t think my boyfriend would like that,” Harry lied easily.

“You’re not dancing like you have a boyfriend,” Rafael said, and slid his hand in the waistband of Harry’s jeans. “You’re dancing like you want to get fucked.”

“Not by you, Mister Sorrentino.”

Harry whirled around. Alexander was standing there, looking like every wet dream Harry had never realized he’d had.

“Oh, come on, Gray,” Rafael protested. “You can’t tell me Simon is okay with you shagging this one too.”

“My arrangements with Mister Vivant are of none of your concern,” Alexander said, and pulled Harry toward him. “Come, Harry.”

Harry almost did.

“Have a heart,” Rafael whinged. “It’s not fair that you should have all the men in this place.”

“Sorrentino, life’s not fair,” Alexander said tiredly. “Now get your hands off of him.”

“Fine, fine,” Rafael said. He gave Harry’s bum one final squeeze. “I’ll be at the bar if you change your mind,” he said with a leer, and sashayed away from them.

Harry felt his face burning as Alexander’s eyes seared into him. “Um, hello,” he managed to get out.

“Hello,” Alexander replied solemnly. “Would you care to dance?”

“Wouldn’t Mister Vivant be upset?”

“Mister Vivant is otherwise occupied,” Alexander said, and gestured towards the back of the bar where the man in question was snogging somebody who bore a striking resemblance to Bill Weasley. “Shall we?”

Alexander and his lover certainly had an unusual relationship, Harry thought. But he wasn’t going to waste time thinking about that now. He nodded and moved closer to Alexander. He didn’t know quite where to put his hands; with the other men he danced with that evening, they mostly just groped each other, but somehow that didn’t seem right with Alexander. Fortunately, Alexander saved him from any more awkwardness and firmly grasped his hand while wrapping his other arm around his waist. They painted a vastly different picture than the rest of the couples practically having sex on the dance floor, but Harry found the formality of their position even more arousing than gyrating with Rafael.

“I see you changed your mind,” Alexander murmured into Harry’s ear.

“Yeah,” Harry said, his voice sounding oddly tight. “Trying new things and all.”

“Very wise.” The hand on Harry’s waist dipped almost imperceptibly lower. “And are you enjoying these new things?”

Harry shivered. “It’s been … interesting.”

“Indeed.”

They didn’t speak another word for the rest of the song. The feel of Alexander’s body against his own fascinated Harry. When he had been grinding against Rafael, he had been too distracted by the pulsing beat of the band and the rush of the fact that a man was interested in him. But now when he was dancing slowly with Alexander, seemingly two beings completely separated from the other thrusting couples on the dance floor and absorbed in their own little world, he could truly appreciate what it was like to dance with a man. There were no soft breasts leaning up against his chest, no faint scent of vanilla, no head leaning on his shoulder. But somehow, when he was leaning up against Alexander’s firm stomach and clutched at his slightly large hand, Harry felt both protected and powerful.

He decided he quite liked it.

When Alexander’s hand dipped into the waistband of Harry’s trousers, he nearly moaned.

“I don’t … I’ve never …” Harry stuttered.

“Never what?” Alexander asked.

“Never … done anything. With a man.”

“Ah,” Alexander said, and his hand squeezed around the curve of Harry’s arse. “Well, tonight is a nights of firsts, isn’t it?” And with that, he lowered his head and kissed Harry.

It was awkward at first. Harry hadn’t kissed anybody but Ginny for years, and kissing Alexander was nothing like kissing Ginny. For one, his nose was a lot bigger; that took a bit of adjusting. Alexander’s lips were also a bit thinner, and he was far more aggressive with his kisses. Where Ginny had most enjoyed soft and gentle touches of the lips, Alexander bit and nibbled and used his tongue almost like a weapon as he kissed Harry breathless.

“You’re thinking too much,” Alexander said huskily. “Just _feel_.”

Harry nearly laughed. If he felt any more he would likely explode. He felt Alexander’s lips nearly bruising his own. He felt Alexander’s hands, both of them, kneading his bum. He felt, oh God, he felt Alexander’s arousal pressing against his own. He felt dizzy and powerless and randy and _alive_.

“What do you say we get out of here?” Alexander said, his lips at Harry’s neck. “I don’t live far from here.”

“Vivant,” Harry protested weakly.

Some clarity seemed to come back into Alexander’s eyes. Harry tried not to let his stomach sink; he knew Alexander and this Vivant chap were involved, and he had no right to be upset. “You’re right, I should tell him you’ll be over,” he said absently. “Very well. Wait here. I’ll only be a moment.”

Feeling alarmingly unsteady on his feet without the steadying feel of Alexander’s arm to support him, Harry fell into a nearby chaise lounge. His head was spinning. He couldn’t _seriously_ be about to go home with a man he barely knew. He didn’t do things like this. He wasn’t even gay. At least, he didn’t _think_ he was … there was just something about Alexander that made him … well, he didn’t even know what it made him, but he definitely wanted to explore it more.

“Hello, there.”

Harry looked up and squinted at the man holding out a glass of water before him. He knew him, he had just been dancing with him, Italian… “Rafael!” he said victoriously.

“Your face is rather flushed,” Rafael said. “I thought you might like some water.”

Harry took the glass gratefully. He was rather parched. When Alexander came back, he doubted he’d be able to get a single word out. “Thanks,” he said.

“You know, Gray’s a bit old for you,” Rafael said. He sat down next to Harry and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I know you just wanted to play nice, but you don’t have to. How about you and I just get out of here? I live just around the corner.”

Harry frowned at the glass. The water tasted off, almost too clean. And somehow, his mouth tasted even dryer. “Are you sure this is water?” he asked.

“Of course,” Rafael said, and moved closer. His breath made the hairs on the back of Harry’s neck stand on edge. “Why not have a little more?”

Harry shook his head. His head, which had been spinning before, now was whirling out of control. The music in the club sounded unbearably loud. He was aggravated by drums beating out of time with the singer, but hysterically realized it was his own pounding heart that he was hearing. He blinked and tried to get his vision back in focus, but it only disoriented him further.

“Come with me, Harry.”

Harry struggled to lift his head. Rafael’s voice carried over the din of the rest of the club. But that couldn’t be right. The music was so loud. How could he hear him over all of that? Something was wrong. And what’s more, his cock, which admittedly had been perking up when he was dancing with Alexander, now felt hard enough to hammer nails.

“Nngh!”

There was a bright flash of light, a shout, and Harry felt strong arms lift him up. Even without fully being able to see, he knew that Alexander was holding him.

And for one crazy moment before he lost consciousness, Harry felt like he knew him, not from the pub, but from somewhere in his life before …

* * * * *

  
Harry turned over in bed and groaned. His head was killing him, and his throat was dry as parchment. What’s more, he wasn’t even quite sure where he was. It certainly wasn’t his bedroom, and it didn’t look like Ginny’s, or …

 _The pub._

Was this Alexander’s home? Harry quickly found his glasses on the bedside table and looked around him. The room was rather stark, all cream walls and basic oak furniture. There wasn’t a single personal item in the room. Harry frowned. Perhaps Alexander hadn’t gotten around to decorating yet. It was just strange. That Vivant fellow didn’t seem like the type to allow for an undecorated bedroom.

Hearing the sounds of conversation coming from the hallway, Harry eased himself out of bed. He creaked the door open and was about to step outside when he heard his name.

“I can’t believe you brought him back here. What were you thinking?”

That had to be Vivant. He didn’t have Alexander’s distinctive baritone. It was odd, however. Something about his voice was very familiar to Harry.

“I had no choice. He had clearly imbibed some sort of potion against his will. Who knows what would have happened had I not had the antidote on hand. That is the last time we go to that blasted pub, Draco. The men there are all lechers and fools.”

 _Draco?_

“Oh, stop the act. You know you’d return tomorrow if you had word Potter would be there. Your obsession is becoming rather embarrassing, Severus.”

 _Severus?_

Startled, Harry fell forward, slamming the door open and stumbling to the floor. He glanced up and nearly fell over again.

Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy were standing in front of him.

“You … you …” Harry stammered.

A slow smirk spread across Draco’s face. “Ah, Potter. Welcome to our home.”

Harry scurried to his feet and grabbed hold of a nearby table to steady himself. Whatever potion he had last night was still playing with his head. Either that or his world had entirely turned over on _its_ head. Probably a bit of both, he acknowledged. Nobody had heard from Malfoy since the war ended, and Snape … “You died!”

Snape said nothing. His face was utterly inscrutable, devoid of any obvious emotion. Harry would have preferred he shout. This silence shook Harry to his core.

“Reports of Severus’s death have been rather exaggerated,” Draco said smoothly. “We’ve been enjoying a fine quiet life here … that is, until you fell to the floor with the grace of an amorous erumpet.”

At any other time, Harry would have been annoyed, but his shock was too great to do anything but stare at Snape. How had he missed it before? Well, the obvious answer was that Snape and Draco had cast some sort of glamour on themselves, but even then, the signs were all there. Harry had found himself attracted to Alexander’s toned figure, mellifluous voice, and powerful aura, all things he had always recognized in Severus Snape. (Well, perhaps not the toned figure, but if he had been totally objective back in his school days, he _would_ have noticed that.)

He had kissed Severus Snape.

He had been planning on having _sex_ with Severus Snape.

He felt faint.

“Do close your mouth, Potter,” Draco said impatiently. “You’re a grown man. It’s high time you get over your schoolboy crush on your professor.”

“I never … I didn’t … Snape, aren’t you going to say something?”

Snape’s mouth tightened, but his eyes remained as unreadable as ever. “What would you have me say, Potter?”

Harry’s stomach rose up in his throat. “I need to go,” he muttered.

“Make sure you call again!” Draco cried as Harry hurried down the stairs.

Harry threw the door open and slammed it shut behind him. For a moment, he allowed himself to lean against the wall of the brownstone house. How had his life spiralled out of control so suddenly?

He wondered what would have happened if he had never bought that damn engagement ring.

* * * * *

  
Harry trudged up the stairs to Ginny’s flat. He was exhausted, and at first was tempted to simply send her an owl explaining the situation. Once he realized he wouldn’t even know where to begin, he had decided to just walk over and hope Ginny would let him crash on her couch.

She threw the door open before he could even knock. “Harry, where have you been?” Ginny cried. “I was worried sick! Ron’s out looking for you, but Hermione’s here.”

Harry allowed her to escort him to the sofa, where he collapsed gratefully next to Hermione. She rubbed a comforting arm on his shoulder. “You two won’t believe what happened to me.”

Ginny went to the kitchen and poured Harry a cup of tea. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she said when she returned.

Harry took the cup gratefully. “I did, in a way. I saw Snape.”

Ginny’s eyebrows shot up. “Explain.”

Harry took a fortifying sip of tea and began to share the story of the night before. When he was done, Ginny looked as shocked as Harry felt, but Hermione only stared down at her hands clasped over her rounding belly. “You knew, didn’t you?” Harry asked.

Hermione sighed. “I wanted to tell you, Harry, I honestly did. But I would have lost my job.”

Harry rolled his eyes. He was exasperated more than anything. He had grown accustomed to the secrecy of Hermione’s job as an Unspeakable, but that didn’t mean he didn’t find it annoying when she knew information that would have saved him years of guilt and possibly prevented this mess he currently found himself in.

“How did he manage to survive?” Ginny asked. “Or can’t you say that either?”

“He’s a great potions master, of course he was prepared for such an attack,” Hermione said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “We were mainly concerned about keeping him safe from retaliatory attacks from Death Eaters, and we didn’t want to separate him from Malfoy in case the Unbreakable Vow still had a hold over them. We arranged for a safe house for them and created spells that would keep them hidden from the general public while still allowing them to live a normal life. It also made it much easier to get their names cleared without having to deal with the nastiness of a trial.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about separating him from Malfoy,” Harry said, well-aware there was a hint of resentment in his voice. “The two of them have quite the little arrangement going on.”

Ginny frowned. “But I thought Snape was going about as this Alexander bloke that’s been chatting you up at the pub.”

Harry set down his cup of tea so he could hold his head in his hands. “He is. I’ve been flirting with Snape. I almost had sex with Snape.” Much to his surprise, neither Ginny nor Hermione so much as flinched. “Doesn’t that shock you?”

“Not particularly,” Hermione said. “We always wondered in school if your aggression towards Snape was hiding more …positively charged feelings. There was certainly passion there that could have potentially been just misdirected.”

Harry had a sudden flashback to shopping for Ginny’s ring with Hermione, and she had questioned the level of passion in his relationship. He felt a little faint.

“Well, I certainly didn’t have feelings for him then,” Harry denied quickly. The looks on the girls’ faces showed they didn’t quite believe him. Ignoring them, he charged on. “But there was just something about him at the pub. I couldn’t tear myself away from him.” He eyed Hermione suspiciously. “Did you do something to the glamour to make them especially alluring?”

Hermione shook her head. “No, their personalities were entirely intact. It was purely a physical spell. And actually, the spell was designed so their physical appearance couldn’t be detected for more than a split second, except by physical touch, of course, when the person — ”

“We get it, Hermione,” Harry interrupted. “It wasn’t the spell. I was attracted to Severus Snape, and partly because of his personality. Wonderful.”

“Well, he certainly was pulling out all the stops,” Ginny said. “He was clearly interested in you as well. And he definitely knew who you were.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. He and Draco are together,” Harry replied, trying not to sound resentful. “Why would he be going after me?”

“Maybe they have an open relationship,” Hermione said thoughtfully. “I mean, they certainly don’t lead the most conventional lifestyle, being shut away from the rest of the world.”

“Well, I don’t think Harry wants to be in an open relationship,” Ginny said. “Or do you, Harry?”

Harry shot up from his seat and began pacing around the room. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I mean, just a week ago I thought I was going to be marrying you! And now I’m spending my nights at gay pubs flirting with a man who’s supposed to be dead! Does this sound like I know what I’m doing?”

“No,” Hermione said, and reached up to grab Harry’s hand. He stopped to look down at her, his chest heaving. “But that’s life, Harry.”

Harry exhaled deeply and collapsed back on the couch. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I think right now you need a nap,” Ginny said firmly. “You can take my bed. We’ll start making sense of it after dinner.”

Harry nodded, too worn out to do anything but agree. “Thank you. For everything.”

Ginny and Hermione shared a look, and Harry knew instantly that they had spent the day talking about him. He made a mental note to ask them about it later.

“Of course, Harry,” Ginny said, and offered him a hand, “that’s what friends are for.”

* * * * *

  
Harry sat down at his desk and removed his recent purchases from his satchel. Ginny and Hermione had urged him to take the afternoon to do some soul searching. He was fairly certain by soul searching they didn’t mean looking through pornographic magazines, but there he was.

He was no stranger to the first magazine. Copies of _Wanton Witches_ had been passed around like Chocolate Frogs in the Gryffindor common room. Not much in it had changed since his school days, Harry noted as he palmed through the pages. The women — blondes, brunettes, and redheads, petite and voluptuous — were all in various shades of undress, all had pouty lips and what Ginny had once referred to as “come hither eyes,” and all looked like they would like nothing more than to ride Harry’s cock.

And yet Harry could summon nothing more than a vague interest in any of them.

Resigned, he opened the next magazine. Only a well-placed Quaffle covered the penis of the model on the cover of _Broomsticks_. Harry felt his cheeks burn. It could be only because the taboo nature of it excited him, but he couldn’t deny he was a bit more eager to open this magazine than the last one.

But Harry’s excitement turned to disappointment when he perused the pages. There was no denying that the men were very attractive, and if he were being honest with himself, he did enjoy studying their bodies more than the models in the previous magazine. But there was still no _spark_ ; while Harry wouldn’t mind having a night with these men, he also didn’t think he’d really look forward to it.

Frustrated, Harry shut the magazine and stood up, sliding his chair under the desk a bit more forcefully than intended. The jolt made the desk reverberate as it banged against the wall, causing a book on the shelf there to fall, spine up, onto the desk.

Harry sighed and went to put it back in its rightful place. The picture on the page the book was open to caught his eye.

“Just had to rub it in, didn’t you?” he muttered. For staring right up at him was Severus Snape, looking strikingly handsome standing in the Great Hall in his teaching robes. Harry’s cock twitched for the first time that day.

“Great, I’m a fucking Snapesexual,” he said. “How depressing.”

“Oh, I’d agree.”

Harry whirled around. Draco Fucking Malfoy’s head was in his fireplace. “What the hell are you doing here? That’s a locked Floo!”

Malfoy rolled his eyes. “Just because I’m in hiding doesn’t mean I’ve lost my connections.” He smirked. “I didn’t realize you were having private time. Please, don’t let me interrupt.”

“What do you want, Malfoy?” Harry said. He resisted the urge to hide the magazines on his desk. Malfoy couldn’t see them from that angle, and his nervousness would definitely give him away.

“As I’m sure even you can guess, you were not meant to learn that Severus and I were both alive and living about four blocks away from you,” he said, sounding as if he were simply reading a news bulletin. “However, the damage has been done, and now Severus is in a terrible sulk. It’s making life at home rather tedious.”

“Well, I’m sorry to have disturbed your domestic tranquillity,” Harry snapped. “You can tell Snape I’ll forget I even saw him.”

“That would rather defeat the purpose of my being here,” Draco said. “I came to tell you to come to Ariella’s tonight. Around ten?”

Harry’s jaw dropped. “Malfoy, I’m not about to engage in some sort of … some sort of _ménage à trois_ with you and Snape!”

Malfoy burst out laughing. Tears of mirth glistened from his eyes. “You think … you think _I_ would want to have sex with _you_? Oh, Potter, you were nowhere near this amusing in school.”

“Oh, so you only want to pimp me out to your boyfriend?” Harry asked, glowering. “Well, I’m not doing that either.”

Malfoy shook his head, still chuckling. When he spoke again, it sounded like he was out of breath. “Merlin, Potter. You really are an idiot.”

“What?” Harry snapped.

“Severus and I aren’t in a relationship,” Malfoy said. He was wearing the most genuine smile Harry had ever seen on him. “We’ve never had sex, or even kissed. Not that I haven’t tried. A man has needs, you know, and he _is_ rather convenient. But then seven years ago I walked in on him wanking and he was moaning your name. Honestly, the world’s greatest turnoff.” He shook his head again. “No, for some reason I’ll never be able to fathom, for Severus, Potter, it’s always been you.”

Harry stared at him, stunned. “You’re having me on.”

“I only wish,” Malfoy said ruefully. “Believe me, I’ve tried to cure him of his absurd obsession. I’ve forced him to come to Ariella’s with me nearly every night for years. But the only time I’ve ever seen him talk to somebody, let alone leave his scotch at the bar and actually make it to the dancefloor, was when you first showed up.”

His knees feeling weak, Harry eased himself into a nearby chair. “I can’t, Malfoy. It’s all too much. I only learned he was still alive yesterday. I don’t even know if I _like_ men.”

“But you were proclaiming yourself to be a, I’m sorry, what was the term you coined? A Snapesexual?” Malfoy smirked. “I’d say that’s enough to get you started.”

Harry held his head in his hands. He felt a headache coming on. “I don’t know, Malfoy …”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to waste my breath trying to convince you,” Malfoy said. “If you want to pass up the possibility to get laid by somebody who, for Salazar knows what reason, cares about you, that’s your prerogative.”

“Don’t you think that’s kind of leading him on?” Harry asked. “I don’t even know if I like men. It wouldn’t be right to experiment with him.”

“Potter, perhaps you were fooling yourself and your little Gryffindor friends, but the rest of us all knew you had a thing for Snape in school, and I reckon that hasn’t changed much. Besides,” he added, a wicked glint in his eyes, “I don’t think Severus would mind a little ‘experimenting.’”

“I don’t — ”

“Yes, I know, you don’t know,” Malfoy said impatiently. “Well, I’m not going to just sit around here while you continue to belabour the point that you don’t even understand your own sexuality or your feelings for a man you’ve obviously been attracted to since you were in school. I have an appointment to examine a chaise lounge for the guest bedroom and I won’t be late for it because of your whinging. I’ll see you at ten.” With a curt nod of his head, he was gone.

Harry leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. Just when he thought his life couldn’t get any weirder, something had to come along to prove him wrong.

* * * * *

  
“Are you certain this is a good idea, Harry?” Ginny asked. “I mean, the last time you were here, somebody slipped a potion in your drink.”

“Well, I learned my lesson,” Harry said determinedly. “Macallan. Neat,” he said to the bartender, and turned back to Ginny. “All of my drinks are coming directly from this bloke over here. And I just need to talk to Snape.”

“And what exactly are you going to say?” she asked, taking a seat at the bar. “I mean, let’s be serious here, Harry. You two have never had the most … friendly relationship.”

“No, I don’t think we could ever be friends,” Harry agreed, and accepted his drink from the bartender. “There’s too much there. But we could be something more.”

“Harry, listen to yourself. This is _Snape_. He made your life miserable for years, and now you want to have a relationship with him?”

“But he also saved me more times than I can count, and is probably the bravest man I’ve ever known. His death was the one that hit me the hardest. At the time I thought it was just because I learned, too late, that he was on our side, and I was so rotten to him when he was risking his life for us. But maybe it was because Malfoy was right, and I _did_ feel something more for him, and I never got a chance to realize that.”

Ginny stared at him incredulously. “I just never thought I’d see the day when you said Malfoy was right about anything.”

Harry shrugged. “I know it sounds crazy. But I have to just give it a shot, you know? I missed it once without realizing it. I can’t just let it slip through my fingers again.”

“I understand that, Harry. It’s just a bit much to take in,” Ginny said, shaking her head. “To think that just a week ago — ”

“A week ago I didn’t know being with Snape was an option,” Harry interrupted. “Who knows? Maybe if I had known he was alive, I would have tried something earlier. No offense,” he added quickly. Ginny waved a dismissive hand. “It’s just that I’m so confused right now, Ginny, but for some reason, when I think about being with Snape, it makes sense. And really, that’s the piece of the equation that should make the _least_ amount of sense. That has to say something, right?”

“Harry Potter, seeking sense out of the senseless,” Ginny said with a smile. “Well, it’s five of ten now. I think I’ll leave you alone and find some nice young lady to dance with.” She rose from her seat at the bar and kissed his cheek. “Good luck.”

Five minutes passed, then ten. After thirty minutes, Harry ordered another drink. After an hour, he accepted that Snape and Malfoy weren’t coming. Annoyed with himself, Harry ordered himself a third drink. What had he been thinking trusting Malfoy? He likely hadn’t changed since school. It was obviously just a prank on his part, to toy with Harry’s emotions and get him to come to this pub only to be disappointed. And Harry had believed him because he didn’t understand his libido and thought he might have _something_ with Snape.

Well, he wasn’t about to let Malfoy humiliate him. He could have a good time here. And his prick _did_ seem more interested in being with men than women at the moment, so why the hell shouldn’t he go out and enjoy himself? It was probably only fixated on Snape at the moment because it was such a shock to see him. It would be happy with any of the blokes here. Except for that Rafael, if he was even here.

It was easy enough to find somebody to dance with. Harry just made his way out to the dance floor and began bobbing along to the music, and in less than a minute he felt a man’s body behind him. He smiled as he felt the man’s hand on his thigh, holding him close. This wasn’t so difficult. It was almost fun. Whoever behind him was a decent dancer, and as long as Harry followed his movements, it all worked out all right.

Harry was just beginning to get to the point where he didn’t even need to consciously focus on his dancing when a hush fell over the crowd. The last chord of the guitarist on stage hung awkwardly in the air as the band scanned the room in confusion, trying to see what caused the abrupt change in mood. Then, just as suddenly, a fierce whisper rose up.

“Snape!”

“Severus Snape!”

“He’s here!”

“He’s alive!”

“He’s queer?”

Harry froze. Snape was here? And people could see that Snape was here? That just … it just didn’t make sense.

The crowd appeared to part, the point of separation coming nearer and nearer to Harry. And then, much to his amazement, Severus Snape was standing directly in front of him.

“If you value your hands, I suggest you remove them from his body,” Snape hissed, his eyes blazing.

Harry immediately felt his dance partner flee. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Snape. Part of him was stunned simply to see him alive and out in public, while the other part of him was marvelling at the potential significance of Snape coming out of hiding to see _him_. And there was no mistaking that fact now — Snape hadn’t even cast a single glance at anybody else in the pub.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asked weakly.

“You should know by now that I have no patience for stupid questions,” Snape replied.

Harry swallowed deeply. With the pub so quiet, the only things he could hear were the pounding of his heart and Snape’s breathing. Harry clenched and unclenched his hands at his side, uncertain what to do with them. What could he say here? How did he begin? He just didn’t do this.

“I — ”

Snape closed the short distance between them and reached one arm around Harry’s waist, the other hand grasped the hair at the back of his head. Before Harry had the chance to finish his sentence, Snape had captured his lips with his own in a passionate, possessive kiss.

Harry barely registered the gasps around him, he was so focused on Snape. It was impossible to define, but somehow, being here in the arms of Severus Snape seemed like the most sensible thing in the world. All his thoughts about whether he preferred men or women flew out of his mind as quickly as a flittering Snitch. None of that mattered. He liked being with Snape, he’d like to be with Snape more, and maybe, just maybe, Snape would be the person with whom life just made sense.

Snape tore his lips away. “Let’s get out of here,” he breathed.

Harry nodded, and a second later he felt the unmistakable tug of Disapparation.

* * * * *

  
Snape didn’t even give Harry a second to collect his bearings after they arrived at his house. He kissed like a man starving, and Harry thought he might be trying to devour him whole. He found he didn’t really mind, and gave back as good as he got.

It was only when he felt the unmistakable feel of Snape’s arousal against his own that he began to hesitate. This wasn’t just some man he picked up at the pub that he was mindlessly thrusting against. This was _Severus Snape_ , and somehow, Harry thought it was the realest thing he’d ever experienced.

“You’re Snape,” Harry whispered.

“Severus,” he corrected, and bent his head down to focus the attention of his kisses on Harry’s neck.

Harry moaned. “Severus,” he repeated. “Severus, wait.”

Severus licked a spot on Harry’s neck one last time before pulling away. “What?” he asked, his voice husky.

“Can we talk?” Harry asked hesitantly.

Severus groaned and let go of Harry. “I should have known this was far too easy,” he muttered.

Harry felt his cheeks burn. “We don’t have to. I only thought — ”

“No, if we don’t have this talk now, we’ll only need to have it later.” Much to Harry's relief, he took his hand and pulled him into the next room. “Might as well be comfortable.”

Harry sat down on the couch gratefully. Severus sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Harry did everything he could to ignore the tent in the front of Severus’s trousers. He wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else if he thought about that. “Nice room,” he said, trying to sound calm.

It was. A little formal for Harry’s tastes, but the heavy ivy curtains and ornate mahogany furniture paired with the roaring fire definitely cast a warmly elegant look. Not to mention that the couch they were currently resting on was quite comfortable — more comfortable than Harry’s bed, in fact.

“Draco decorated it,” Severus acknowledged. “He spends his days decorating and his evenings drinking. It keeps him content.”

“The room I was staying in was rather plain,” Harry said. “Has he not gotten to that one yet?”

“Draco is not allowed in my bedroom,” Severus said firmly. “And I see no reason to decorate it myself.”

“But why not? You’ve been here for a while, haven’t you?”

“Harry, I presume when you said you wanted to talk it wasn’t about my philosophy on interior decorating,” Severus said impatiently. “Why don’t you say what you were actually intending on saying?”

“I was getting to that,” Harry said. He clasped his hands in his lap, hoping the steadiness of the action would somehow anchor him and prevent him from leaping out of his seat and out of the door. “I just didn’t know where to begin.”

Severus placed one hand over Harry’s. “What’s the first thing that comes to mind?”

“Draco said you’re obsessed with me,” Harry said immediately. “Is that true?”

Severus sighed. “Draco has a remarkably dreadful vocabulary for a Malfoy. He chooses the words that have the most impact without examining the subtleties of their definitions.” He paused. “I would not say I am _obsessed_ with you. You intrigue me to an extent I have never experienced before. I am attracted to you, as should be obvious by now. From what I have ascertained from the papers and from the people whose conversations I am able to overhear, given my anonymity, you are a man of a certain character I can appreciate. I have stronger feelings towards you than anybody else.”

“Sounds like obsession to me,” Harry said.

Severus gave a short laugh. A _laugh_. “Perhaps. Do you mind?”

“I’d be a bit of a hypocrite to mind,” Harry said, resigned. “You more or less summed up my feelings towards you.”

Severus’s eyes blazed, and he leaned down to kiss Harry. “Good,” he whispered.

Harry took a moment to enjoy the feeling of Severus’s lips on his own again before pushing him away. “But isn’t this mad? We barely know each other. You hated me for years.”

“What is it with your generation?” Severus asked, pulling away. “You and Draco both. You try to apply one broad, sweeping word to infinitely complex emotions.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Well, it certainly _seemed_ like you hated me.”

“I hated you for squandering your potential and purposely putting yourself in dangerous situations, when your mother gave her life for you. I hated the way you were being used as a pawn.” He paused, and, for the first time that night, took his eyes away from Harry. “I hated that I knew I would protect you no matter what, even without promising it to Dumbledore, and I hated that you never recognized that.”

Harry squeezed Severus’s hand. “I recognize it now. When I thought you had died … it was one of my biggest regrets was that I’d never get to tell you.”

“Hmm.” Severus turned Harry’s hand over and began to trace small patterns on it. “Anything else you wished you had told me?”

“Then? I think mostly I would have apologized for being a little shite. But over the years I thought more. I wanted to tell you how brave you were, how much I wish I had been older and could have recognized it. That I wish I could have gotten to know you better.” He laughed. “I never thought I’d be getting to know you like _this_.”

“You truly never thought of me that way?” To Harry’s surprise, Severus sounded more shocked than disappointed.

“Honestly, no, although it seems I’m in the minority of people who are surprised I’m attracted to you,” Harry said with a shake of his head. “Apparently half of Hogwarts thought I wanted to shag you instead of hex you.”

“More than half,” Severus answered. He smirked. “It’s no matter. I have you now.”

Harry smiled and leaned into Severus’s embrace. “Yeah, you do. I’m glad you came tonight. I was beginning to think Malfoy was just having me on.”

“I was tempted not to,” Severus admitted. “You seemed so horrified when you woke up and saw me. You’ll find even former Death Eaters turned spies have moments of insecurity.”

Harry laughed. “What changed your mind?”

“Draco can be very persuasive,” Severus said.

“Oh?”

“Hmm. He taunted me for hours with what you were likely doing down at the pub … dancing with attractive young men, rubbing up against them, kissing them… His high-impact, low-complexity vocabulary was quite effective then.” He eyed Harry sternly. “You can imagine my consternation when I arrived and saw you doing just that.”

“I didn’t kiss anybody!” Harry protested.

“Only because I arrived just in time.” Severus gently pulled Harry’s face towards him. “I would hate to see you doing this with anyone else.”

Once more, Harry allowed himself to surrender to the power of Severus’s kisses. He didn’t have all the answers yet, but for now, at this very moment, this was enough.

* * * * *

  
Harry blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sleep out of his eyes. Memories from the previous night flooded back into his consciousness. He and Severus had spent what felt like hours snogging contentedly, and then … Harry frowned. They must have fallen asleep, because he couldn’t remember anything else.

He peered down. He was resting on top of Severus, who was still softly snoring. It was amazing how peaceful Severus looked in sleep. Harry stroked a gentle finger over his nose, smiling at the way Severus’s brow pinched at the touch. Somehow, this seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

Harry shifted slightly. _Oh._ He supposed that was part of what came with sleeping with a man — waking up to morning glory. Slightly embarrassed, he tried to rearrange himself so he wasn’t rubbing against Severus’s erection.

“Harry,” Severus muttered.

Giving it up as a lost cause, Harry placed a soft kiss on Severus’s lips. “Good morning.”

“Mmph,” Severus agreed. He frowned at something over Harry’s head. “Where did the blanket come from?”

“Good morning, lovebirds!”

Harry groaned. How could he have forgotten that Severus and Draco fucking Malfoy shared a house? Merlin, he must have come in and seen he and Severus entwined on the couch, fast asleep, and thrown the blanket over them like some mollycoddling mother who was amused to see her son dozing with his date. What had happened to his life?

“I have to say, I’m a little concerned for the state of your relationship,” Malfoy continued. “Severus, the first time you bring Potter home, he’s unconscious. The second, you both fall asleep. This doesn’t bode well for your sex life. Truly, I worry for you.”

Harry’s face burned. “Shut it, Malfoy,” he growled.

“Severus, don’t you know it’s good manners to make your guest breakfast?” Draco asked, ignoring Harry. “Do you like eggs? Severus makes a fantastic omelette.”

Harry shrugged off the blanket and jumped off the couch. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I can’t do this.”

Severus reached up and grabbed Harry’s wrist. “Don’t let him bother you. He’ll leave.” More loudly, he said, “Draco. Go decorate the guest bedroom. Those drapes are hideous.”

Draco laughed but left the room. “I’ll leave you two alone. Don’t mind me.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry repeated, backing up towards the door. “I thought I could do this. I just can’t.”

“Because Draco was proving he hasn’t matured any since he was a student?” Severus asked incredulously. He stood up and grabbed Harry by both hands. “Harry, Draco is a fool. He finds the notion of my being interested in somebody amusing. He probably only thinks he is lightening the mood and making it easier on us.”

Harry shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s just so much too soon. I just don’t _do_ things like this, especially not with men I thought were dead up until a day ago. Christ, this time last week I thought I’d be engaged to _Ginny!_ ”

“Harry…”

“We don’t know each other at all! I didn’t even know that you make a great omelette!”

“You’re getting hysterical,” Severus said. “If I wanted to be with somebody who knew I could make an omelette, I would be with Draco!”

“That would make more sense than being with me,” Harry said. He attempted to pull his hands away from Severus’s, but he only held on tighter.

“That’s my point, Harry, I don’t _want_ to be with Draco,” Severus insisted. “I have quite literally zero interest in him. The only person I’m interested in is _you_ , damn it.”

“I just can’t, Severus,” Harry said, and finally succeeded in tearing his hands away. “Not now. Maybe if Ginny and I had been broken up for a couple of years, or maybe if I had known you were alive … but right now? It’s just too much to take in. I’m sorry.”

Not allowing himself to risk another look at Severus, Harry turned on his heel and fled.

* * * * *

  
There was no answer when Harry knocked on Ginny’s door. He was just about to give up and try Ron and Hermione’s when Ginny suddenly swung open the door. She was only wearing an oversized t-shirt, and her hair was a tousled mess. She blushed when she saw Harry.

“Sorry,” she said, attempting to tame her hair with her fingers. “I had company. Give me just a moment. Come on in.”

Harry followed her inside and sat on the couch. Ginny disappeared into the bedroom. There was a moment of silence, a peal of laughter, and then some muffled conversation. A moment later, a beautiful blonde exited the room with Ginny, gave Harry a little wave with the hand that wasn’t carrying her stilettos, and left the flat.

“Who was that?” Harry asked.

Ginny collapsed on the couch next to Harry. “Camille. I met her just after you left with Snape last night. She’s French. A bit dim, but a fantastic kisser. Among other things,” she added with a prurient grin.

Harry groaned and leaned back into the cushions of the couch. “See, why can’t I just have that?”

Ginny frowned. “Have what? Besides, what are you doing here this early? I thought I wouldn’t hear from you until this evening, if then, what with the way Snape looked like he was going to shag you right there on the dance floor.”

“We fell asleep,” Harry said morosely.

Ginny covered her mouth, but Harry couldn’t miss her giggle. “Oh, Harry, I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes filled with mirth. “That’s just the last thing I expected. Then what happened?”

“We woke up to Draco bloody Malfoy asking if I wanted breakfast.”

This time Ginny didn’t even bother trying to cover her mouth. “Oh, Harry,” she laughed. “I imagine that’s enough to put you off. But surely Snape has a bedroom you could have gone to for some privacy?”

“It’s not that,” Harry said. “Don’t you just think it’s a bit mad? You and I were together for years and just broke up a few days ago. I should be doing what you’re doing — going out with lots of people and having fun one night stands and just enjoy being single. Instead all I can think about is having a future with Snape.”

“Oh, Harry,” Ginny said, and took his hand. “Harry, you and I … we’re different.”

“Think I caught on to that,” Harry muttered.

“Hush, I’m trying to make a point,” she said. She squeezed Harry’s hand. “Harry, I went from being in a family of seven children to being in a serious, long-term relationship with you. I need some time to be off on my own and be completely free and just have fun. You? Harry, I think you were _born_ ready for a family. You crave that intimacy more than anything. And that’s okay.”

“But with _Severus_? How can I possibly be thinking of a future with somebody that up until this week I thought was dead?”

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Harry. You do so much better when you don’t think.”

“Thanks,” Harry said sarcastically.

“Think about last night,” Ginny said, ignoring him. “You were telling me how when you were with Snape, it just felt right. Why don’t you just hold onto that?”

“But is it enough to build a future on feelings?” As soon as the words came out of Harry’s mouth, he realized how ridiculous they sounded. “I mean — ”

“I know what you mean, Harry,” Ginny interrupted. “But I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. Let’s say you leave my flat right now and go back to Severus. Are the two of you going to immediately move in together or get married?”

Harry flushed. “Of course not.”

“Then why are you so worried? Harry, you and I fell into a relationship. We were friends first and it eased into more. But relationships don’t always start like that. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and go with your gut just because it feels right. And it sounds like Snape feels right for you.”

“He does,” Harry admitted. “It’s just so overwhelming. I’m afraid I got a bit spoiled being with you. Everything seemed so safe and easy then.”

Ginny wrapped an arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “It did. But it wasn’t right for us. We both needed to get out of our boxes and actually experience all the exciting things life has in store for us. And life … it’s maddening and confusing. I’m sure you’ll wind up on my couch again and I’ll wind up on yours. But that’s just the way it goes. And when something like this comes along that you think even has the slightest chance of making you happy, you just need to grab it.”

“How is it you get me so much?” Harry asked.

“We _did_ date for nearly a decade,” Ginny said. “I had to pick up on a couple of things.”

Harry laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Now I just need to figure out how to make it up to him. He probably thinks I’m a right berk the way I ran out on him.”

“I don’t know,” Ginny said thoughtfully. “I have a feeling that, with a little grovelling, he’ll forgive you.”

“And how exactly would you know that?” Harry asked. “You know him even less than I do.”

“Harry, he’s been living in hiding for eight years,” Ginny said, sounding as if she were explaining an immensely difficult concept to a first year. “When he saw he had a chance of being with you, he abandoned his shield. He made himself completely vulnerable for you. A man doesn’t do that for just anyone. I reckon he has some rather strong feelings towards you.”

Harry nodded. “I suppose. I only hope I can explain myself without sounding like an inarticulate dunce.” He sighed. “Why does dating have to be so complicated?”

Ginny grinned, and Harry knew her response before she even opened her mouth.

 _That was life._

* * * * *

  
It took a couple minutes of twisting Hermione’s arm (and an admittedly underhanded use of the knowledge that her pregnancy craving of the week was fish and chips), but Harry managed to procure Severus’s address from her.

Harry’s immediate instinct had been to go directly to Severus’s house, but after further thought decided it would pay to wait. One, Severus probably needed some more time to cool down if he was angry with him. And two, if Harry was trying to win him over, it was probably best he attempt it in clothes that _weren’t_ the same ones he wore the night before and also slept in.

And so it wasn’t until almost dinnertime that Harry found himself on Severus’s doorstep. He was beginning to feel his shower had been for naught, because he was already working up a nervous sweat. Remembering Ginny’s advice that he did better when he didn’t think, he forced himself to knock on the door before he could convince himself again that it was a bad idea.

The door swung open immediately, as if it were expecting Harry’s touch. Severus stood there, his eyes cold. “Yes?” he snapped.

“Um, can I come in?” Harry asked.

“I was just leaving,” Severus said. His hand moved to close the door. “Good bye.”

“Wait!” Harry exclaimed. “Please. It will only take a minute. I swear it.”

For a moment Harry thought Severus was just going to slam the door shut in his face, but it slowly creaked open. “One minute only.”

Harry nodded and made his way inside. The entire front corridor was filled with boxes. “Are you moving?” he asked, shocked.

Severus nodded. “Now that word has spread that I am, in fact, alive, the time has come for me to seek an alternative living arrangement. I have no reason to stay here anymore.”

“But where will you go?”

“Do you truly wish to waste your minute talking about my plans to move?” Severus asked, checking his watch. “By my count, you have about forty seconds remaining.”

Sighing, Harry tore his eyes away from the boxes. The thought of Severus moving terrified him. He had no doubt Severus had ways of ensuring Harry never found him again, and Harry would never forgive himself for passing up this shot at _something_ just because he was a stupid berk who got caught up in his own expectations of what his life would look like. “I came to apologize for this morning. I panicked. It was wrong of me.”

“Apology accepted. Would you like thirty seconds back in your day?”

“Would you stop it with that stupid watch?” Harry shouted. At Severus’s raised eyebrows, he bowed his head contritely. “Sorry, I’m just a little tense.”

Severus said nothing, but he was also no longer looking at his watch. That encouraged Harry slightly.

“Look,” Harry said. “I don’t think I’m much of a catch. I don’t really know how to be a good boyfriend. As surprising as it may seem to you, I over-think and ruin things, and I’m also apparently so unobservant I didn’t even realize my girlfriend was a lesbian until I was about to propose. I don’t know if this is going to work out. But for some reason, I just can’t shake this feeling that if I walk out this door again, I’ll be making the biggest mistake of my life. Because when I’m with you, Severus, suddenly there is just something in this mad world that makes sense, and I don’t want to let that go.”

Severus’s gaze had softened, but Harry knew he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. He hurried on. “I can’t promise that I won’t panic again. This is all so new to me, and I’m sure I’ll muck it up at some point. But please, Severus. Just give me another chance.”

Severus remained silent. Harry tried not to shrink under the focus of his gaze. He knew at this very moment that he was the only thing in the world Severus was thinking about. He just didn’t know if at this very moment that was a good thing.

“That’s all,” Harry muttered. He rubbed a hand to the back of his neck, embarrassed. “I’m sorry to have bothered you when you were moving. I’ll go now.”

His hand was turning the doorknob when he heard Severus’s voice: “What exactly is it you want, Harry?”

Harry turned around and faced Severus. “You,” he said simply. “Just you.” And then, to prove his point, he walked back into the house, grabbed Severus by the arms, and kissed him.

Severus was clearly shocked, but Harry used that to his advantage. He pulled Severus’s head down towards him and probed his mouth with his tongue, relishing the feeling of, this time, being the one to control the kiss. He could _do_ this. He was kissing Severus, and from the way he was moaning and clutching Harry to him, he thought Severus was enjoying it as well.

“Bedroom,” Severus murmured, scarcely taking time to interrupt the kisses to speak. “Bedroom, Harry.”

Harry stilled the panic that was rising in his chest as he allowed Severus to lead him up the stairs and into the stark bedroom. After a night at the pub this seemed like a great idea, but he was completely sober now. _Come, Harry, where’s your Gryffindor courage?_

Severus gently pushed Harry down onto the bed and covered his body with his own. “Perfect,” he whispered into his ear. “Perfect.”

Harry groaned and arched up into Severus’s touch. He made a mental note to write Hermione a thank you card. _This_ is what passion felt like — a powerful, all-consuming, anticipation of delights he couldn’t even imagine yet.

And still…

“Severus, wait.”

Severus groaned and hoisted himself up to look down at Harry. “Don’t tell me you want to talk again.”

“No. Well, kind of.” He paused. “You know when I said earlier I’ve never done this with a man. Well, I’ve also never really done it with a woman.”

Severus looked as shocked as Harry had ever seen him. “Never?” he asked. “You were with Miss Weasley for that long and you never did anything? And you never thought something might be wrong?”

Harry attempted to look down, but given their positions, it meant he was only staring at his and Severus’s erections. That certainly didn’t help matters. “Like I said,” he replied, finally meeting Severus’s eyes. “I’m not the most observant. I just wanted to be happy, and I had never known anything different, so I thought that’s what everybody felt. I didn’t know it could be … be like this.”

Severus’s eyes gleamed. “Be like what?”

“Intense,” Harry said immediately. “Emotional. Exciting. Invigorating. Inspiring.”

“Inspiring, yes,” Severus hissed, and leaned down to kiss Harry again. “I can agree with that.”

Harry wasn’t sure how it happened, but soon both of them were naked and sweaty and rubbing against each other. That’s when things got complicated.

“What do you want?” Severus asked as he left a line of kisses down Harry’s sternum.

“I don’t know,” Harry answered, his breath hitching. “Anything. Everything.”

Severus paused in his ministrations. “Well, I don’t think we can get to _everything_ in one go,” he replied. “I’m certainly willing to do anything you like, but given your — ”

“My virginity, yes,” Harry said. He exhaled a deep breath and pulled Severus up so they were face to face. “I’ve decided I’ve been doing too much thinking. It gets me into trouble.” He ignored Severus’s snort. “And I’m just going to go with my gut. What feels right. And Merlin knows why, but being with you feels right. Being with you,” he said, pulling Severus’s head down so he could reach his lips, “in every way possible.”

“In that case,” Severus said, “let’s begin.”

Severus continued kissing down Harry’s chest. He twirled his tongue in the hairs leading down to Harry’s crotch at a slow, maddening pace that made Harry shudder and clench the sheets. When Severus finally reached his bollocks and gently prodded them with just the tip of his tongue, Harry cried out loud.

“Careful, Harry,” Severus said with a sly smile, “one might think you enjoy this.”

“I do,” Harry gasped, “Please, Severus!”

“Who would have known it just took the promise of a blow job to teach you some manners,” Severus said. But he didn’t torture Harry any longer, and finally wrapped his lips around Harry’s hard prick.

“Oh!” Harry shouted. His breathing was unnaturally loud, but he didn’t care. All he cared was that he got more of that incredible suction. Forcing his eyes open, he looked down so he could see Severus working his cock. He nearly groaned out loud again. To see Severus, who was typically so stoic and reserved, licking at his balls and sucking his cock with such abandon was perhaps the most arousing thing Harry had ever seen. It certainly put the photo spreads in _Broomsticks_ to shame.

“Fuck, Severus,” he breathed. “That feels amazing. You’re amazing. AHH!”

Severus gripped Harry’s thighs with his hands. Harry almost protested, for the hold was so tight there were sure to be bruises later, but then he realized that with the way his hips were bucking, he was likely choking Severus. He gasped, feeling a familiar tightening in his balls, and reached down to bat Severus’s hands away.

“Severus,” he rasped. “Gonna come.”

Severus removed his mouth from Harry’s cock. Harry whimpered from the loss, but was somewhat appeased when Severus replaced his mouth with his hand and began to rub Harry, taking particular care of the head of his prick and his balls. “Then come,” Severus said. “Come in my mouth.” With that, he returned to sucking Harry’s cock.

Close to hyperventilating, Harry tried to last longer. It would be humiliating to come too soon, but soon it was going to be out of control.

Then Severus hummed.

Harry came with a shout, his hips bucking so wildly even Severus’s grip couldn’t stop them.

When his breathing evened out, he pulled Severus up and kissed him. Tasting his spunk on Severus’s tongue gave him an immense thrill. “Brilliant,” he said, and kissed Severus again. “Absolutely brilliant.”

“Hmph,” Severus said, but Harry could tell he was pleased. “We’re fortunate you’re still young. You should be ready for another go in a few minutes.”

“Mmhmm,” Harry agreed happily. He pulled Severus down to allow him to nuzzle his neck. He was quickly discovering he loved it when Severus did that. “Do you want me to return the favour, or do you want to fuck me? I can’t guarantee I’ll be much good at either.”

Severus paused. “Harry, I know what we said earlier,” he said carefully. “But have no illusions here. Having sex for the first time can be painful. I don’t want you rushing into this just because you think I might want it.”

“I do,” Harry replied. For emphasis, he rubbed his awakening cock up against Severus’s belly. Merlin, something about being with this man made him feel like a teenager again. “Now come on. Seize the moment and fuck me.”

Severus laughed and shook his head. Leaning over Harry, he reached for the bedside table and pulled open the drawer and removed a small jar. “Well, if you insist. Turn over.”

Harry complied quickly. He heard Severus opening the jar and shuddered. “Is that lubricant?”

“Indeed,” Severus said. He sounded amused. “How much do you know about the specifics of gay sex?”

“Only what I read in _Broomsticks_ ,” Harry admitted. “I’m afraid a lot of that may have been exaggerated.”

“More than likely,” Severus agreed. He lightly circled a slick finger around Harry’s entrance. “We’ll take it slowly.”

Harry nodded into the pillow. “Go on.”

Even with Severus clearly taking the utmost care, it felt strange and borderline uncomfortable. Harry tried to loosen his muscles to allow the invading finger, but he found that only made him clench more. The old panic began to return to him. What if he _couldn’t_ do this?

“We’re returned to a common theme of the evening,” Severus said. “You’re thinking too much. Just relax.”

Harry took a deep breath and felt Severus continue. It really wasn’t so bad. Just not particularly enjoyable. Hopefully the actual sex was more exciting.

Severus added another finger and began to slowly scissor them, loosening Harry further. Harry began to squirm. He still wouldn’t call it pleasurable, but it was interesting. Then Severus hit a certain spot and he couldn’t help but let out a shout. Suddenly, his prick was very interested in the proceedings.

“What was that?” he gasped.

“Your prostate,” Severus said. Harry could practically hear his smirk. “It’s immensely pleasurable when touched. Now imagine my cock hitting it over and over and … oh, my, Harry, does that excite you?”

Harry groaned. He couldn’t control the thrust of his hips against the mattress. “God, yes. Please, Severus.”

“Only a moment more,” Severus said, and added another finger.

Just when Harry thought he was going to explode if Severus prepared him any longer, Severus removed his fingers. “Are you ready?”

“Yes!” Harry shouted. Embarrassed, he added a little more quietly, “Yes. I’m ready.”

“Good,” Severus said, and gave Harry a light smack on his cheeks. “On your knees.”

“On my knees?” Harry asked, frowning.

“It’s easiest for the first time,” Severus replied.

“I’d just rather see you my first time,” Harry said. “Do you mind?”

Severus hesitated, but eventually rolled Harry over onto his back. “Not at all,” he said, and placed an encouraging kiss on Harry’s lips. “I’d like to see you as well.”

Carefully, Severus positioned the head of his cock at Harry’s entrance. “No going back now,” he warned.

“Do it,” Harry said, and reached up to grab Severus by the shoulders. “Fuck me.”

He grunted when he felt the blunt tip press into him. It felt nothing like fingers. It was thick and hard and his muscles instinctively tensed up against the intrusion. Harry hissed through the slow burn of feeling Severus filling him.

“All right?” Severus asked.

Harry opened the eyes he didn’t even realize he had closed. Severus was staring at him so intensely that Harry could scarcely breathe from the power of it. He reached a trembling hand up to tuck some of Severus’s hair behind his ear. “Yeah,” Harry whispered. “I’m good.”

Severus nodded and then leaned down to kiss Harry fiercely. “Let me know if I need to stop.” With that, he began to slowly thrust in and out. Harry groaned. The burn was still there, but there was also a potential for something more than made him cling to Severus’s back and urge him on.

Then Severus hit his prostate, and Harry was lost.

“God, yes!” he shouted. “Do that again!”

Severus complied with one deliberate thrust, then smirked at Harry. “Like that?”

“Yes,” Harry hissed. “Yes, again.”

Severus worked his way into a steady rhythm, hitting Harry’s prostate on every third thrust. Harry no longer had any doubts: this was better than anything he could have asked for. He’d be sore as blazes tomorrow, but for now? Brilliant.

“Harder,” he urged. “Harder, Severus.”

Severus did the exact opposite and stopped completely. “Harry, are you certain? We have all the time to do it more vigorously later, but for now?”

Harry took a moment to examine his lover. Even when paused in his lovemaking, his eyes were heavy-lidded with bliss, and his arms bracketing Harry were fairly shaking with the effort of not moving. It was, without a doubt, the hottest experience of Harry’s life.

“I want everything,” Harry repeated. Feeling a little mischievous, he clenched his cheeks, eliciting a low moan from Severus. “Now fuck me.”

This time, Severus followed the directions to the letter. Harry began to frantically wank his cock, desperate to come. He had never needed anything more in his life.

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” he repeated, the steady mantra paced in time with Severus’s thrusts.

“Harry,” Severus groaned, his thrusts speeding up.

“Gonna come!” Harry gasped. “Severus, Severus!” His release spurted between them, white and hot on Harry’s chest.

“Yes,” Severus hissed. “So tight, Harry. So fucking hot.” His cock was barely even leaving Harry’s hole at this point. “Could fuck you all day.”

“Come for me,” Harry whispered. “Come in my arse.”

A second later, Severus slammed into Harry one last time and came with a shout. His lips descended onto Harry’s, swallowing the sound of his pleasure.

Carefully, Severus pulled out and curled up around Harry. A whispered spell cleaned away the sticky remnants of their lovemaking. Harry let out a happy sigh.

“Brilliant,” he repeated.

“Indeed,” Severus said. “And as you haven’t run away again, I feel we’ve made some progress.”

Harry laughed. “I couldn’t run anywhere now even if I wanted to. You fucked all the energy out of me.”

“Hmm. Good for me, then.” Severus ran his fingers through Harry’s hair, toying with the sweaty strands. “I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.”

“Me too,” Harry said. “Can’t believe what a fool I would have been to pass that up.” A memory triggered in his mind. “Were you really going to move? All your bedroom furniture is still here.”

“Well, as you noted, there’s not much in my bedroom,” Severus said. His fingers still played with Harry’s hair. “The boxes downstairs were filled with my laboratory supplies. And to answer your question, yes, I was really going to move. Still am, in fact.”

Harry froze. “Really?” he asked, his voice tight. “Where are you going to go?”

“There’s a house about a block away I was considering,” Severus said. “Three bedrooms, a room I could use for a laboratory, spacious rooms. I only have to settle on a price.”

Harry couldn’t suppress a nearly hysterical laugh. “So you’re not going far?”

“Well, I did consider it,” Severus admitted. “Then I decided it would be far more convenient to convince you that you needed to be with me if I were close by.”

Harry toyed with a lock of Severus’s hair. “You would come after me? Even after all that?”

“Eventually,” Severus replied. “It was admittedly a lot for you to take in all at once. I thought you might just need more time, and it would likely be easier for us to forge a relationship without my unfortunate choice of flatmate.”

As if on cue, a loud knock sounded at the door. “Next time, try some silencing charms!” Draco shouted.

Harry and Severus chuckled and tucked their heads in close to each other. Harry thought they might well resemble two doves nesting. The image made him giggle more.

“I’m curious why you came back so soon,” Severus said when some of their mirth subsided. “I truly wasn’t expecting you.”

Harry clasped Severus’s hand and held it to his lips. “I realized that the only things that were really keeping me from you were purely external. When I’m around you, I can’t imagine anything else. It’s only when I think about why I shouldn’t want to be with you that I get confused. I think I just need to remember that when it comes down to it, I just need to do what makes me happy.”

Severus kissed their conjoined hands. “A wise sentiment,” he said. “Even more so because it benefits me.”

Harry laughed. “So, what’s next? Do we just … ” His voice trailed off, unsure where he was going with his thought.

“I don’t know,” Severus admitted. “I don’t have much experience with relationships myself. Perhaps we just continue on with what we’re doing? I admit to some eagerness regarding the shedding of my anonymity, and it would be pleasant to have somebody to share that with. If you’re willing.”

Harry grinned. “Yeah. I’m willing.”

Maybe they didn’t have a plan. Maybe this unexpected relationship would be messy and, once the initial giddiness wore off, filled with the same vicious arguments that plagued their past. But that was okay.

Because right now, when Harry was being held in Severus’s arms, thinking only of how warm and protected and content he felt, everything just made sense. And that was all that mattered.  


-The End-

  
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